The faux pas of a foreign receptionist/barmaid..

1. Never serve the post lunch coffee late for a frenchie.
2. Never get age and room numbers mixed up when assorting the post..I say no more.
3. Think a client's spot is a piercing and ask if it was painful to get done.
4. Do everything with confidence, confidence is the key, including lying about the whereabouts of the nearest supermarket.
5. Never overbook an event by getting confused over foreign numerical systems.
6. Never overserve profusely a stong liquor. I have to say being behind the bar is quite fun: pouring beers, hearing couples argue..pouring cocktails fairly sporadically. As I said, confidence is the simple key.

When clients realise I am from England, they sometimes start to speak reallly sllloooowwwlllyyy and LOUDLY! Often people show me photos of Big Ben on my camera, am I supposed to pretend I don`t know what Big Ben looks like?? and my favourite question:

So, how is the Queen?

The joys of the `Third Age`.

Since being clapped into dinner on arrival of my stage in France by 50 pensioners, I lave learned to appreciate the `the third age` as they are described as in french.

They are, in fact, like children in many ways: They pass around sweets on the bus, and the one who remembered the sweets has a proud grin plastered to his face. They sing on the bus, they sing at the bar, some even get so into it, they proceed to stand on the bar whilst blasting out their beloved french songs.
On one particular trip, there was a spectacular view of the sea to our right and to our left = some flowers. Of course, everyone`s heads were tilted very much to the left, along with the `ahh ing` admiring the floral beauties.

At the aquarium, one old lady followed a fish around a tank for 25minutes filming with her video camera. I am sure the grandchildren will be riveted come christmas day and they are forced to endure such footage.

NB never tell an 80 year old frenchie, the scrabble is being used. I had always thought of board games being a spontaneous matter, not here:scrabble, 8.15PM, july 14th.

modern lives...

Equating to BBC iplayer, skype and according to topshop - playsuits.

It also means tesco self service tills, something which I seem to have slight difficulties with. A recent visit to my `local` exposed that I was not the only one. They simply appeared to be expensive decoration. -Unfound bar codes.
-Too much weight in the bag area.
-Too little weight in the bag area.
In the end, the staff just waited defeating the whole point of saving staff costs. Maybe there should be a sign, people with high practical intelligence use the machine, others get Margerie on the left to help you with a BIG HELFUL SMILE.

Skype - an invaluable part of modern jetsetters lives, nevertheless conversations with my family are nothing short of transatlantic chaos:
~Me in Argentina with a slight time delay,one sibling in Scotland, the rest at home.
~Everyone trying to speak at once, father waving frantically at the camera...`Laura, i am here!! Can you see me??!!`
~The other sibling as she speaks feels the need to write down her words as well as saying them so skype messenger is flashing at me too.

It all gets a bit much, I have to close the screen and go and get a nice cup of tea.

So, such nice weather we are having,eh?

‘Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something’
But where does SMALL TALK fit in?!?’
I would definitely fit into the fool category I think. Four separate, sticky situations:

1. Meeting new people travelling, one consistently has the same conversations. I wish we could have t-shirts like we had in university fresher’s weeks stating where we are from/what we are doing/ how long we are staying for, consequently we wouldn’t be required to have these, at times, mundane conversations. In fact, I can say this small talk rather well in Spanish now as I have said it over 767 times - approximately. I should probably stop there while I am ahead in my game.

2. It is always awkward when you see old acquaintances, ‘we MUST do coffee’, even though we are both aware that this won’t happen. A face saver, the I don’t know what to say phrase, at the end of the small talk conversation. Then awkwardly when we see each other again, the same thing surpasses, ’must get round to that drink’. Maybe a head nod is best and moving on and over.

3. The Argentines are friendly, almost unnaturally so at times. They make conversation with you in queues, at the bank, waiting for the bus, in cafes, even at the blimming traffic lights. Recently after an Argentine Lady was (small)talking to me in a café’s queue, we said our goodbyes. However then her food was delayed, alas she stayed by me. So what do we do now? We have said our goodbyes, conversation has been exhausted, and this is simply all rather bizarre now.

4. I am really not very up to date with recent bands. Again I sound like a pensioner, anyway recently when sharing an IPod with a new ‘friend’ (well, apparently we only have 5 actual friends in our life so after knowing him an hour, I best not jump the bullet there), he started acting surprised I hadn’t heard of these bands. Subsequently, I had to lie to restore my music cool connaisance image , this gets complicated though. If the conversation proceeds, I have to know whether the artist is dead or alive, what my favourite song is, and if I am particularly unlucky where the artist is from also may enter the conversation. I grab the iPod, and switch it to my all time ‘fave’ song on the album. Which I haven’t actually, exactly, heard before.

‘’Men have become the Tools of their Tools’ – Technophobe?

I am not a major fan of technology. I certainly will not be holding out for a blackberry any time soon. I just like it when things work; I know I sound like a 70 year old pensioner when I say that. But it is true. I like a mobile phone to send texts, a camera to take photos and a computer for writing emails. You see people with Blackberries and they resemble their life support machine. I would not be surprised if counseling sessions are a necessity if they lose their beloved BB, as it is three times worse than a regular phone appliance when the inevitable (in my case) breakage or loss occurs. Everyone is constantly checking their BB for news and now people update their Facebook status when they are at a bar ‘am at x bar, havin gr8 time’, thanks to the beloved mobile BB . WHY!? Surely socializing in reality is higher up the agenda?

One of the proudest technology days I have had was when I successfully downloaded a podcast onto my Ipod, thus I could listen to ‘women’s hour’ on the go..Revolutionary. Unfortunately when boasting to my peers about this, they told me I was about 5 years too late in working this out. Oh and I have discovered TWITTER too, thanks to twitter I know that Fearn Cotton is hung over today and the polling station where India Knight is voting is busy..Don’t know how I would have continued with my day without these two vital pieces of information…

Is the time where people are no longer required to leave their homes upon us? Half of the expats I seem to meet in Buenos Aires are here because they only need the internet to work so can work from home. When they want: to chat with a friend,facebook can answer their needs.
Food –You can get anything delivered, from sushi, steak and ice cream.
Boyfriend search – Head to an internet dating site.
Exercise – WII fit.

I recently played WII tennis for the first time in a friends flat, I think she was rather worried I was going to break the TV , ‘’it’s not like normal tennis!!!’’, she would bellow at my excessive movements. Is this what kids do these days to keep fit? Well, no wonder the nation is overweight, especially the poor kids with little living rooms to hit the ball in. What happened to, dare I say it, REAL tennis? And if it is raining – play squash.

Could do with a satellite dish for the car though – That would save me multiple lost hours.

Facebook Chat.

Can you imagine life without facebook? I can’t.
“Hi, I’m Laura…”
“What’s your surname..Facebook search!!!” This greeting in 2010 life is hardly uncommon.
Recently my friend informed me that she was leaving the Facebook world as she gets jealous of other peoples photos, (my life is cooler than yours kind of thing).
There are different types of Facebookees with different trends, let us examine:
1. The girl who takes 200 photos of drunken nights out’SOOOO drunk’. This trend is common amongst university Freshers. Obviously there will be some reference to not remembering anything.
2. The girl who takes really posey photos. Cringe at times.
3. The people who use facebook to show off, (I know we all do this but some more than others) for example after a holiday in the Seychelles uploading 200 photos of the five star Hotel. The problem is, even when you see them, you can’t really admit to viewing them so still have to listen to them droning on about their ‘incredible’ holiday. I don’t really know why I need to ask how it was, I have seen on facebook how it was. Literally. Once my friend was a little more honest. After being away for the weekend I was explaining how it snowed a lot and she replied ‘yes I know, saw the facebook photos'. Right then. Who needs to talk when we can simply examine other people’s life on facebook? Silence it is.

Recently, I was told to dance like I thought I was Halle Berry. I did. The next day Facebook reminded me how very wrong I was. That is the thing about facebook, you have to be ready to detag hideous photos that may be tagged of you at any moment. A few months ago, I had no facebook contact for days and a friends sister decided to tag me in hideous photos of years ago. Gosh, it might get to a time where I can’t leave the room due to fear of photos of me being sprawled over facebook resembling an unfashionable dishcloth.

It has its uses. I mean who doesn’t stalk potential boy suitors? But also its downfalls, when you see photos of the same boys with girls who can hardly be classed in the unattractive bin.
Love it or Hate it, Facebook is about as addictive as coke. Diet coke that is.

Whats the rush!?

I think that a visit to the post office in Buenos Aires illustrates perfectly the difference in attitude between South American folk and British folk. I have a package to collect and after hearing from my German friend that collecting a package here is a long and complicated procedure, I have left it for a month and have no choice now. The package must be collected, if not I miss out on belated Christmas presents. Even if they’re bad, it is worth checking I guess.
I arrive with my friend and after showing my passport; I am given a number 678,984 and directed to a new room to wait for my package number to be called. Upon entering the waiting room a little bit of a sense of humour was required as to avoid a silent explosion, since there were about 70 people inside sitting down and they seemed to had settled for the long run judging by the fact they appeared to had made themselves very comfortable with books and all. We sit down, confused. As my friend says ‘we just want the package, i can go and find it!” My friend even gets worried ‘Laura, we didn’t come prepared for this, we will need to go and get snacks for the wait’. The next challenge is understanding the 6 digit number on the loudspeaker in incredibly rapidly spoken argentine Spanish. I must have missed that Spanish lesson; numbers have always been a bit of a challenge for me. I am quite sure it is much easier to get a package of cocaine from a local down at the market than this…. Eventually, we recognise the number vaguely. I am united with my package.

South Americans just tend to have an incredibly slow pace of life, I really don’t see myself as an impatient person but even buying a banana can take 20 minutes as one must wait for the shopkeepers to finish their chit chat, get off msn or do their makeup. In social arrangements my German friend gets exasperated at the argentines lack of organization. ‘Tranquilo’….’Tranquilo’, they say. Maybe this is it, why not take things slow? I guess there are worse places to pass the afternoon than down at the post office with a book, oh and don’t forget the snacks.